Chapter one

Okay, I decided I'm gonna try and write down most of what is holding me down.
I'm gonna do it in chapters so that I have a clear vision of when everything happened etc.
If I bore you with this then don't read it. I know nobody cares about these stories, but this is my page, and I have the freedom to write them down.
My story might be in poetry form, or sentences, I don't know for sure.
Maybe I will look back on memories that have stayed with me all this time.
I'm gonna try and be my own listener, because I don't see the point in telling anyone all these things I think of every day. So I hope my knowledge of the English language will be sufficient to tell my story.

I am going to start with the parts that are my youth, or what I remember vividly. And the parts that I assume are one of the causes I am who I am right now.

Chapter one,
Childhood.

The early years of my life, I am only 18 years old, so you might think that I have no idea what I am talking about. I guess that recalling things now could be valuable for later, when I have a hard time remembering. When I've grown so old that childhood is just a faint memory.

I remember that when I was in primary school, I seemed a perfect child for the outside world. That picture in 3th grade, me smiling, doing some educative game. Neatly combed hair, sweater and one tooth missing in my wide smiling mouth.

One particular memory is very vivid, most like a nightmare, in my mind.  I remember our teacher, she was very kind but strict to us. I sat at a table with 3 other girls. It was a dark rainy and stormy day. We were making figures from paper, I already loved doing anything creative back in the days.

I recall the teacher explaining how to make a specific figure, but the girls on my table kept interrupting me and annoying me so I did not hear. I screamed at them, trying to tell them to stop. The teacher walked over and punished me, I remember her towering over me with the thunder outside. Like a nightmare. The girls laughed at me after she turned around, I let some tears out of anger. So when she left us to try to make the figure, I was one of the last ones to finish. I always was a perfectionist, if it was about anything artistic, I was a proud little girl. So when I showed her my piece, and she told me I did it all wrong I was disappointed.

Whenever we had spare time, from the early age of 5 I always grabbed pencils and started drawing. I was crazy about all the Disney movies and was a huge fan of most Disney princesses. This fascination stayed with me till the end of primary school.
I was most fascinated by the lion king (2) and the little mermaid.
As a very emotional child these films caught me completely. I loved to play lions, walk around on hands and knees. I felt powerful, no longer just a silent girl, no one noticed.

I was totally guard less back then. No walls whatsoever. I was so still so little. I was just a silent flower on the wall. I had a few friends, they were all outsiders just like me. But with them I could let my imagination go all the way. I remember running round the schoolyard, just imagining everything on the way. It felt awesome.

Sometimes I wonder what I'd be like if everyone would be so true to themselves, how every little child is. If there was no backstabbing, lying and cheating hardly existed. People didn't have the knowledge to do such bad things.